The magical world of fall

For so many people (including myself!), fall is the perfect time of year.  We idealize it, dream about it, wait for it, and in Texas, we silently curse when it gets here and it's still upwards of 90 degrees outside.

Today is the first day of fall, and while it is still much too hot, I wanted to take a few moments and reflect on how great this season is.  Fall is the time when we start the downward rush toward the year's end.  Days become a bit shorter, which is why I think we get a bit more introspective.  All those extra minutes in the dark mean more processing time, warmer clothes, and a welcome change in the landscape.  Colors go from bright to rich, and our clothes go from sassy to cozy.  We dream of cuddling on the loveseat by fires, watching Friday night football games, donning scarves and boots, and the invigorating brought by crisp, cool air.

I am so thankful that God gave us seasons.  Each is enjoyable, and each has its challenges.  As soon as we savor the delights, there seems to be little "foxes" which creep up and try to gnaw away at our joy.  How can we overcome the challenges of life? 

Remember who you belong to!

If you are a Christian, you are a beloved of Christ.  He paid for your sins with his Precious Blood.  Each coming season is a love letter...a gift he lavishes on you.  And each problem or challenge reminds us that there is more to come.  He isn't giving it all to you now.  Just like it's officially fall, but I have to wait for the cooler weather - Heaven will be full of joys that your heart just could take right now.  Wait for it!

God is with you every step of the way.

You are not alone.

The beauty of this season reminds us that he loves us, not in word only, but in deed.

He has lavished himself upon you.

I read somewhere recently a little saying:

"fall reminds us how beautiful it is to let go" 

Just like the trees letting go of their summer leaves, don't be afraid to let go of worries about the future.  Enjoy this season while its here.  There will be a Spring.

What I love about Us

It is no secret by now that I am quite in love with my dear Hunter.
This is a collection of thoughts about why.

Sitting on the couch with him on the weekends says a lot about who we are individually, and who we are as a couple.  We both bring many words to the table.  I can talk for hours about culture and art, music and theatre and why I hate Hamilton.  I talk all day long at work, and when I'm not talking.  Hunter talks all day at his teaching job.  He gives out historical gems like candy.  He shapes young minds, and you can't shut him up when he goes on a rant about politics.
But when we sit together on the couch, watching a movie on a Saturday...it is peaceful.  My feet are usually on his lap.  Jackie is usually on my lap.  And some art movie made 70 years ago is on the TV.  He occasionally says something about what's going on, and I'm on the computer looking at pictures of castles.  But we are a couple.  We are together.  We are content.  We aren't 100% engaged at all moments, and that's how we like it.  We are introverts, together.

Sitting next to him in church:
We are two small people in a sea of Catholics.  He says the responses in his masculine voice while I squeak out the wrong responses in mine.  (Being in the Ordinariate is hard.)  I feel so connected and supported, but he doesn't demand attention or take any attention off Jesus.  We are just Catholics, together.  We are fellow sinners, fellow learners, and fellow beggars at the feet of Jesus.  I feel so feminine next to him, in my veil.  And he says it moves his heart to see me wear my veil.  It highlights our essential differences.  Very God.  Very us.

Sometimes when we are driving, I settle down into his shoulder, and close my eyes.  I've never once been worried that he won't take care of me.  I listen to his podcasts and 70s rock music.  Sometimes I don't pay attention and play on my phone.  But I'm always with him, and we are at peace.  On Sundays he even plays peaceful music for me because I like it.

When he laughs, he does a funny thing with his shirt.  I really like this.  It delights me.

He likes his coffee black and I load up mine with Splenda and Heavy Cream.  He remembers to keep his place stocked with both.

He listened to my sad stories about someone who made me cry.
He listened to my stories while I was crying.
He listened to me crying.
And he has never, not even once, made me cry.

He thinks mascara looks best on my eyelids and not streaming down my cheeks.

I enjoy dressing up with him.  He is so handsome, no matter what he wears, from his gym clothes to his coat and tie at church.  I love being next to someone who cares for his appearance and tries very hard to look nice with me.  It makes me want to be more beautiful for him.

My heart blossoms when he is in my life.  He allows me to be myself, but encourages health and growth.  This feels amazing.

Hunter has an amazing laugh.

He goes to the gym with me, to classes, and has even taken my barre class at the gym as the only guy there.  That is love.

He prays with me every single day.  He reminds me if I forget.
Before we dated he had never prayed with anyone in his life.
But he started doing it because I wanted to, and it wasn't weird or awkward or forced.  It just happened, and it was beautiful and it has grown into such a strong part of our relationship.

He listens to me and shares most of my opinions.  He agrees with me to the point where I get mad and hope he'll disagree with me on something because I feel he's just going along with what I say.  He swears he isn't.

He takes charge when he needs to.  I need him to, sometimes.

He is my boyfriend.
I am so blessed.
I could never have thought to pray for someone so great.

Grace came here

This is a sumptuous time of grace for me.

I had no idea, 6 months ago, in the depths of pain from abandonment, that today I would fall so easily into the comfort of God's healing.  I had no idea that my life would be taking off so much.  I had no clue that I would fall so easily into the arms of a handsome dark-haired man named Hunter.

I feel something I have never felt - the Holy Spirit actually working, doing things, a presence, an energy, a connection, a peace, and an excitement all at once.

I am swimming in it.

I am basking in it.

It keeps me up at night because I'm so excited.

It takes away my anxiety because I'm so at peace.

It calms all my fears and stuffs me full of betternment.  I am climbing to new heights.

Tonight I said "How could we ever think that God would actually do something we asked him to?"

It's silly, but my whole life I've asked God for all kinds of things, just assuming He wouldn't give them.  He gave me healing.

GUYS.  HE HEALED ME.

He healed my broken heart and healed me from sin and is making my life so much better.  I'm stronger, free from addictions, free from bad habits I used to have, unhealthy relationship cravings.  He actually does these things.  I just a long time to get in step with Him.

But He waited.  He's patient.  He's awesome.

And he's MINE.  I can't wait for the rest of my life (and hope for Heaven!!)

Revered

All it took was the road home
And roses, two in every color
and a salad and the moon, Jane Austen
and stardust
and you

And the seeds we planted years ago, pushed through
And tonight, they bloom.

Goodbye, August

When you stunned me
(Stunted me)
You looked back at me with your cold, dead eyes
And cut me as a shameful notch in your belt
(another notch in your ax handle)

I took you and your pain
(our pain)
to the beach one sunny day
I cried you into the sand
watched the dolphins jump
and watched the sunny skies turn to rain
I cast you into the sea, and our pain
(your pain, that you handed me)
pulled out the blade, and bled you into the sea
looked back over my shoulder
and cast you, like a glance, into the water

Where you sank.
With all your sinking, miserable lies.
There you sink.  There you lie.
And the hurricane came and took you away,
as I drove on to sunnier skies
(Dallas skies)
And our month
(your month)
fades now away into memory
and while you drown in your misery
I am free.
God.
I am free.

Pop Pilates Training!

I just got word that I was accepted for a scholarship to get certified in Pop Pilates!  Along with my U-Jam and Bootybarre certifications, I will continue being able to teach awesome classes that also double to keep me in shape!

I was marvelling today at how good God is, working through our different circumstances.  As a fat kid in college and beyond, I never in a million years could have pictured myself being in shape, much less teaching fitness classes. 

I always marvelled at fitness instructors.  I figured they must exist on some higher plane (I now laugh heartily at this notion).  We are just regular people who enjoy getting our butts kicked and kicking other's butts at the same time.  I'm far from super fit, but I am maintaining a good, consistent workout and eating routine because I have to.  

Much like God kept me in church by giving me a church job, God has kept me in shape by giving me a gym job.  Over the past year, the emotional roller coaster I've been on could have left me much worse off if I had allowed depression to sink me.  Normal Amy would rather lie in bed for hours after work than haul her yoga pants to the gym and smile at people while sweating and calling out cues.  But it is good for me.  It's good for others.  And God is good for giving it to me.

This entire week I've been running around getting things done to start teaching voice.  I'm more organized this year, because I know what I expect since it's my 2nd year in this district.  It is fun and feels exciting, like the start of a new chapter.  I am really enjoying my life at the moment.

Never feel like life is ended.  Things change, and we can see them as detriments or jump on it and see change as opportunities.  The former is easier.  Let's do the later :) 

Normalcy

Some days, I feel like Jesus has built a nice white picket fence around me.

I am astounded by how the mind changes and heals when sin is quitted.
Normal, stable, non-grandiose life:  It's amazing.  Let's have more.