Blest

 Sometimes I just rock her to sleep...my sweet little 22 month old who still flutter sucks on a a paci -

In my arms, she is so so so beautiful.  I can't stop staring.  She's just so perfect.  It's so weird how I wasn't all that connected to her right after her birth and I worried about it.  But as time has gone on, I've fallen more and more in love with her.  I am so supremely blessed. 

Mom rocking Charlotte

 I have the sweetest mama, who drives an hour from Fort Worth to Dallas to watch Charlotte on days when I have to teach group exercise classes or voice lessons.  I could take her to childwatch at the gym, but she comes over anyway because she loves Charlotte so much.  It makes me so happy to see them enjoying each other.  I loved her mama (my grandma) and had so many warm memories of spending time with her.  I'm so glad that Charlotte will have those memories in her little developing brain and know that she is so very loved by those around her.

One of my mom's favorite thing to do is to rock Charlotte to sleep and then hold her throughout her nap, often falling asleep, herself.  It's so sweet...I can't help but taking pics of it.  

She'd probably kill me if she knew! Shhh...don't tell her! 

 Whew what a long day.

I just can't seem to catch my feet on the ground long enough to get a running start.  
I had normal church performance this morning, then choral evensong tonight.  We did the Mendelssohn Magnificat and Nunc Dimmitis but we didn't get enough rehearsal time on it.  I was really stressed out but it turned out okay.  I didn't get to see Charlotte very much today because the only time I was home this afternoon was during her nap.  

I really need some relaxing time, but I feel so overwhelmed with all I need to do.  
Clutter is killing me right now.  You have a normal amount of clutter, then you have a baby and it blows up times 100.  

Anyone know any decluttering apps or inspiration?  I need help.

A glimpse of the divine

I shy away from the hokey, teary mom stuff usually.  But sometimes when I am rocking my 14 month old baby girl to sleep...her face looks so peaceful that it reminds me that there is a world beyond this one.  A world where goodness and virtue grow like flowers in a garden, and only the purest souls can dwell there.  

Babies seem "straight from heaven".  They capture the innocent and goodness that was lost in the world.  They are so unscorched by the harsh rays of this world's unending pelting of bad news, war, sarcasm, and idiocy.  They just...exist in the moment.  No wonder our souls are touched by babies and often moved to tears.  

I love my baby girl.  She is heaven on earth, too me.  Even on the nights where she screams her head off half the night...I wouldn't send her away for anything. 

Breeze

It's a weird feeling...I went for something that I never would have gone for, because people told me I'd be great at it...and then I failed.  

Like...why tell me that?  I dunno.  Maybe people are happier with me in their heads than in reality?  Maybe I'm better on paper?  

On a happier note, I got to sing and dance a little bit on Monday after having some bad news, and I was able to stuff it down and do a good job. 

List of projects that need to be done

 Current project list:

boy baby romper for a friend
finish Charlotte's smocked dress
backyard crop cages (to save my garden from evil squirrels)
clean up/repair garden boxes
purge/organize garage
Replace swing pad
Chartlotte's bow and headband holder
Massive clothes purge

Not as overwhelming when all written down.

LENT!

Long time no post! 
I'm not sure why it's so hard for me mentally to write in this blog, but I am here again with a renewed effort to do so.  I thought maybe I would make it part of my Lenten discipline, but just to warn you: I'm not super good at that, either.  

I did used to do these lists on my Xanga blog and they would help me, sometimes.  

I am giving up: Kate Quinn.
Y'all...I know that sounds kinda dumb.  But I am a complete Kate Quinn addict (they make and sell amazing baby and mama clothes).  Their business model is one that keeps you checking the site constantly for price drops...like for example, a $49 quilt will go on sale for $6 and if you happen to get their first, you score the quilt.  It is very successful for them, but bad for me.  I love their clothes...they are amazing quality and made out of bamboo or organic cotton type materials.  But I spend wayyyyy too much of my time on that (not to mention money).  So I'm not going to be doing any KQ stuff till after Easter.  Hopefully I can curb my habit. 

I am taking on: cleaning my house.
This is my biggest sense of shame that I have.  I. am. so. messy.
I'm not talking about those people who say "Oh my house is so messy!" and all they have is like, some groceries on the counter.  I mean it is full on, every surface cluttered, things in the way...MESSY.  I could blame having a baby for this, and I will.  I am not trying to put myself on blast, here.  I live in mental SHAME over this and it affects how I think about my whole life.  I know it affects my husband too, and I owe it to him to get this stuff cleaned up.

But when I say that having a baby is to blame, that is on top of me already being a messy person.  I am super creative: I always have 5 or 6 projects underway or in the works, so I can't just put everything away and be done with it.  I don't have a sewing room, or a project room since we made our nursery, so it's not like I can put all my stuff in one area.  I am writing this from my dining table...my laptop is in the middle of a sewing machine, pattern peices, smocking, embroidery floss, half cut out patterns, elastic, a breast pump, the baby monitor, bubble juice, headphones, baby toys...you get the picture. It's overwhelming me, and it's hard to see progress.  So I am going to force myself to blog what I tackle everyday so it doesn't get lost.  

I also want to stay humble and not just present the fake/best/beautiful side of my life, so bear with me.  I might post pictures...MAYBE.  But again, I am not going to put myself on blast, because I am already deeply ashamed of my housekeeping skills.  Just ask my mother-in-law about them ;)

So while the baby is taking a nap and my coffee energy hasn't yet worn off, I am doing laundry.  That's a start.