Rain, coffee, and peace

I'm sitting here in my fiance's house.
It's dark and rainy outside, with just a hint of sunlight glowing behind the grey clouds.
I have coffee, and a little dachshund curled up by my feet.  He's at work, and I'm waiting to go meet the caterer with his mom in a few hours.
Life is sweet.

Having a good, solid man in one's life is a calming force.  There is nothing like a healthy relationship to bring cooling peace to the storms of life.  When you grow up in chaos, chaos feels like home.  You might not even know a different way is possible.

Hunter evens me out and brings peace.  It is gentle, like the sunlight here in this dim room.  But it is constant.  And Good.  Love is good.  Love never fails.

There is so much wedding planning to do on top of the hustle and bustle of the Christmas holiday approaching.  It can get overwhelming.  I'm grateful for this moment of peace.

Try and take time today to find a few peaceful moments where you can breathe a sigh of relief, and hold onto those.  Just a few more days 'till Christmas! 

Grateful Advent

Being engaged is overwhelming, and mostly I'm overwhelmed with goodness. 

I cannot believe how lucky I am.  I have love and acceptance showered on me from people who needn't do that, but do it because they want to and hold great hopes for our future together.  I am so blessed with a beautiful ring, a beautiful merging of two lives, wonderful future in-laws and the most wonderful fiance a girl could dream of. 

He is so kind and good to me.  Where others have criticized, he encourages.  This is huge.  What a blessing from God. 

Today is Sunday, Advent II.  I am dreamily enjoying my afternoon off between Anglican Church/Rehearsal and Catholic Mass tonight.  I get to see Hunter, who was out of town for a concert.  I am happy, full of yummy food, sung out, tired, and so grateful. 

Two Months of Engagement - "A Date Which Will Live in Infamy"

Ok, maybe it's an inappropriate use of that phrase.

But today is Pearl Harbour Day, and I couldn't help myself. 

God bless the memories of the those brave men and women, murdered by the Japanese, all those years ago as we launched unawares into World War II. 

Also, I've been engaged for two months today!

Why haven't I written?! Why am I not gushy about this momentous event??

I have two reasons for you:

1. I am a perfectionist and I put off posting till I could write something perfect (hah!)

2. My life got suddenly 3 times as busy when he put that ring on me.  Suddenly I went from three jobs to five.  The other two were planning a wedding, and planning a marriage.  The Catholic Church requires some basic classes, and we have chosen to require more of ourselves, by doing outside premarital counseling and reading books and praying. 

So much is going on!  Everything is good and wonderful.  Our wedding is April 21st.  We are on our way.  And I am feeling the need to write about it.  So, as I am wrapping up teaching for the semester, I promise to write more about it.  I've learned a lot as a fiancee of two months, and I have a lot to share :) 

Our wedding website is here:

theknot.com/us/amyandhunter

Happy Feast of the Immaculate Conception, and happy birthday to my darling fiance who shares the day!

Indian Style

When we sit Indian Style, with legs crossed, we should say "Indian Style".

It honors the Indians, who sit this way in the Lotus position.

Saying "Criss Cross Applesauce!" is dumb, and dumbs down everything for kids.  Kids are smart.  We can teach them about culture without dumbing down, or worrying about PC nonsense. 

Did you know that Polish and Romanian people say "Turkish Style" for crossed legs? 

The perks of not living with your boyfriend

It amazes me how many people assume that I will move in with my boyfriend.  I know I'm pretty backwards and old fashioned, but does everyone do that, nowadays?  I will not.  Sex and cohabitation are for marriage, and marriage alone.  As uncool as that makes me, that's what I'm doing.

Here are some perks of NOT living with my boyfriend.  On my 45 minute drive home, I get to see some nice Dallas skyline, which looked lovely in the rain, tonight.

Improvement past Calvinism

I am wanting to write something every day this month.  October is my birth month, and in my opinion, the most magical month there it.  It has fall, Halloween, Columbus Day, and just has a feeling to it.  We think of pumpkins, baked goods, hay rides, crisp nights, and ghosts.  I love it.

It is also leading up to the 500th anniversary of the tragedy that was the Protestant Reformation.  I used to be all about the Reformation, when I was a Calvinist.  But now I see how one huge crack led to more cracks, and is now tens of thousands of splinters in the body of Christ.  It is so sad!  We long for the church to reunite in love and peace.  It is what we need.  Someday.

I have been thinking this week about improvement and healing.  I know I write about healing quite often, but it bowls me over to see such things going on in my life.  It was almost as if until this past 2 years, my belief in God's power was an intellectual exercise.  It was as if we had to be not bad for our lives to be in order.  People who screwed up their lives with sin and foolishness were pretty much doomed to the fruit of their labours, and their bad choices would haunt them forever.  God's forgiveness was almost an begrudging "yes, I'll save you...but only just as much as it takes to not go to hell".  But their grossness would follow them around the rest of their lives.

I am currently sifting through trying to understand where my negative, judgmental view of God came from.  I think I know where.  But it's pervasive and very hard to put down!  Even though I knew God loved me, it was as if he did so reluctantly, and was so disgusted with the choices I'd made that he gave me grace in order to stand me.  That was Calvinism to me.  I was disgusting, and God deigned to love me. 

I never saw any improvement in my life or self.  My heart was longing for God...I loved Him, and I wanted Him.  But I was so stuck in sin and negative thinking.  I had these bad, sinful habits that I could not kick.  My depression closed in around me.  It was so hard for me to see any other way. 

It's hard even now to see such amazing changes in my heart and not wonder why it took so long.  I wish I could have cast off this sadness long ago, but God gave it to me now.  And now, I will rejoice in it.

Love in October

It is love, and it is played like a cello in the fall air
Sung like a choir at the very top of a sacred spire
And felt, in my heart; in my arms
Not in having, but in the lack of longing
Not thinking on faraway places my feet could walk.
It is not the familiar tempest of thrill
The storm that carried us out to sea one day
To ride the waves of passion and fire
But in a calm, still glance
Lights dotting a safe habor
And in your welcoming voice
And a soft place called home.