Hello friends,
Has anyone else been just too lazy or depressed to do much writing?
I know I'm not the best with keeping up blogging. Since the days of Xanga, I've gone downhill in that respect. Social media micro-blogging has made our attention spans shorter and not in a good way. I'm not immune to this, though I'd like to be.
I figure time spent away from social media could only be good for me now. This "pandemic" is really getting us down. We feel trapped, locked up, controlled, depressed, lazy, etc. (Not the royal "we"...people I've talked to have told me such things). Life goes on in a daze, and we go from day to day just marking hours awake and asleep, with not much end in sight.
My personal struggle has been that there isn't much to look forward to. I have gone from BIG plans...baby on the way...two babies on the way...to nothing. Not even a normal end to the school year with recitals and all that. I've watched my pregnancies suddenly end and other people have their first, second...and third kids around me. And me, nothing. I've been passed over in more ways than these...friends and family. It seems I've been forgotten sometimes.
I know that I'm not forgotten. I have a holy anger inside me. I used to think that was automatically bad. I believed that any negative things I felt were bad and that I was bad for feeling them. (Cue Alanis Morisette's "Thank You" in your head) I am learning to embrace ALL of my feelings, instead of just the good ones. Learning to express anger and not stuff it down. Heck, if I stuffed all my anger down at this point in time, I'd explode.
We walk a fine line between expression and tempering our tongues. I do like the phrase "holy anger". Maybe it's just vanity, but I want to explore this some more. Anger can do things besides destroy, if we use it well. I realize I cannot avoid these feelings, so I must choose how to spend them. There is power in that choice.
