Come at me, bro.
No, seriously. You had me pretty upset yesterday, my ANON (as you shall now be called). You had me in tears, heart pounding, and very upset. I guess that's what you wanted. Congrats!
Here's the bad news: writing a letter to someone under the guise of an anonymous account is bad. It's cowardly. It's really kind of a rotten thing to do! But probably the MOST serious thing is that you couched it in Christian terms under the cover of "I'm only saying this in Christian love".
Love? Shall we?
From my favorite ESV translation of 1st Corinthians 13 -
4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant
5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful;
6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.
7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love? Love is GREAT stuff! Love is full of hope and wants the best for people. Love doesn't tear down. Love endures and carries on and is kind. Love doesn't hide in a foxhole and snipe people while wearing a disguise.
There was no Christian love in what you said.
And I'm not gonna "get over it".
Since you read my twitter account, you know a lot of my weaknesses, and decided to use them against me. Guess what? I'm a growing, wounded, working through it daughter of God! I've had some hard times which I've shared. I've had some harder ones that I can't bring myself to share. And that's okay. God knows these things, and HE alone is my judge. Not you. So while you may derive some fine pleasure from setting up a Kangaroo Court here with your anonymous comments, God sees that, too. He gets to judge. Not you, not me. I don't know all of your sins, and I'm fine with that. Because God is working on you, too. Let Him speak to you...work through it! It's what we all have to do.
So while you upset me yesterday, it wasn't forever.
I realized that I want to act in LOVE and not as a coward.
I want to be HONEST which I have been, and not fake.
I want to be GROWING and experience the PAIN of growing, not of sniping people for where they are.
I want to continue in the GOOD THINGS that God has given me, and now worry about other people so much.
Look at yourself. Ask God to show you LOVE, because you need it!
To my regular readers:
I've come too far in my journey with God to be so upset by internet cowards. They are everywhere, guys. I realized yesterday how it terrible it must be to have a huge, painful secret that isn't allowable for discussion in social circles.
To be Christian and think you are gay.
To be suicidal.
To struggle with intense depression.
To have failed your family.
To have an eating disorder.
To injure yourself.
Boy, those are heavy things! I've dealt with a few of them. At times I felt I had no one to talk to except the (anonymous) internet. And I *had* to be anonymous. Because if anyone ever found out I struggled, I thought they would pile layer upon layer of heavy judgement on me and make it worse. And I was right. This blog so far has been about my struggles in my own life with the depression that comes from really going out on a limb in the performing arts...to really GO for it. And it's hard. And it's depressing. And God has been faithful.
And I tried to write my honest feelings here. And boy was I punished for it.
I know so many who struggle turn to anonymous blogs or Twitter accounts or social media as a way to let out their feelings and cry for help. They don't want their families to know. They don't want their churches or schools to know.
Isn't that sad? These are the social structures which God has given us for support, and we are terrified to use them. We fear judgement. We fear someone finding out how sinful we really are. I wish we could all see each other naked, in body and soul. Then we'd see how ugly and disgusting and real we all are, how gross and terrible are our sins, and how we need Jesus desperately.
Maybe we'd be a little kinder to each other.
So here's my pledge; I'm going to continue to be real and honest here. I'm not going to be a coward. I'm not going to tell you about my life as much, because I need to put up a boundary and a safeguard against jerks like the one who attacked me yesterday. But I also need to share my thoughts and feelings.
Know that this is a safe place for you if you want to share. I won't attack you. I will try to offer love and support. God knows I need it.
So, ANON, nice try. Your mission from Satan has failed (even though you probably didn't realize that is what it was). I'm still here, and stronger than ever. And Jesus is with me. Better look elsewhere for your trolling adventures. I'm here to stay.
