Canopy

Burst forth, you
Bastion of light and love
In a little space
Where Heaven and Earth met,
Meet, are meet and right
must-ing all the flowers
From shrines and quiet corners
and flickering candle - lights
And beads clasped in a trembling fist
Spill your petals onto my
Tear-streaked face
Dried with the mettle of salted grit
In my exhaustion, in my darkness
In my feelings,  in my wasting
In my letting go, in my dying
Stretch your gilded hands, Mother
Light my little face, upward turn
Let me disappear into the folds
Of your pretty frock, hided in your sleeves
No one shall see, none shall come
Till all here is done to be done
And you've taken me quite away
And shown the the Fruit of thy womb
And every care like dried leaves
Dried yellow rose petals
Dried tears long forgotten on my pillow
Have dusted away and blown out to sea
Stella Maris, my star, my love
Come for me, make me forget myself
And we, enthralled too much to gaze
On Him, the ever-near
May our hearts beat to Him
Yours immaculate, mine murmuring
And Ours forever, the promise of love given
Drop by drop, till wine at weddings in Heaven
No more washing water is needed
And only Cana's song remaining,
Holy frivolity goes unended.

Casement

My heart's hard to find
Twisted around a
moving target, in the ground

But dig you might
Dig you must
Just for a little thing

A little respect.
A little levity.
She shall shine forth

With your uncanny tastes
And honest heart
You may, sir

Find me blind
Follow me directionless
Take my hand

And a few steps going
Through the woods
Down the the shore

We'll find the tide
Never stopped to know
Never stopped its flow

And God still in His heaven
Unblind and unbound
Always knew best

Pem

My heart could have written this song.  It's like Alanna looked into my heart, saw what he did to me, and wrote a song about it.  My goodness.

PEM

I know you're right, and I know you love me -
often better than I even love myself.
I feel like a child, but I need you to hold me:
Guess I'm finally getting over that dry spell.

Sometimes it feels like love just evades you
takes a walk across the stage, and then it leaves
Sometimes it seems like people replace you
what's the point of wearing my heart on my sleeve?

Is it always worth the tears that fall -
Are they gonna come if I love at all?
I could play it safe, play it safe, play it safe
I could hide away, hide away, hide away
I can't live that way...

Inside a room without any curtains,
you're afraid that somebody just might look in
so it's easier to say that nobody's home, then,
that way there's no risk of showing any skin.

You spoke of the heart, but you gave me nothing:
just some songs you liked and words that sounded wise.
you spoke about trust, about virtue, and trying -
and dragged your pride behind you like a tattered kite

Is it always worth the tears that fall
are they gonna come if I love at all?
I could play it safe, play it safe, play it safe
I could hide away, hide away, hide away
I can't live that way, no...

I call your bluff: you call me 'bitter'
I call you love: you call me 'sister'
I call your bluff: you call me 'bitter'
I call you love: you call me 'sister'...

Well it's always worth the tears that fall.
And they're gonna come if I love at all.
I won't play it safe, play it safe, play it safe.
I won't hide away.

Make this right, Jesus.  Somehow.  Make this right. 

Have mercy. 

Jesus will not leave you.

Jesus will NEVER leave you.
Don't believe the lies.
He won't .
He won't' do it.
He's around to stay.
His main thing is fidelity.
He feels all your pain.
He feels it when people betray you.
He cares.  He's not going anywhere.

Unworthy

Every now and again in life you come to face something shocking.  Or surprising.  Or painful.  Or perhaps, all three, rolled into one big, ugly ball.

Perhaps someone promised to things in an honorable way.
Promises of love of God, of family, of marriage, of commitment, of kindness, of encouragement.  Perhaps he wooed you with words, from the beginning.

Maybe he ingratiated himself into your family.
Your mother... promised her that he would be her son, too.
And take care of her in her old age.  And comfort, and love her daughter.
Her only daughter.
Her only child.

And all those months of love, of promises, of blooming seeds being planted, were twisted around a faith and practice bigger than the two of you.  All the saints, and all the prayers, and all the promises.  And books and hopes and knowing the garage code to get into your house.
And maybe you promised, too, to love him back.
And when he promised to marry you, you believed him.
And promised to love you forever, you believed his words.
And promised to protect you from your father, you thanked God for that.
And promised to never leave you, you trusted him.

All the right words.  All the right words.


And when he rips those words from your heart, suddenly -
Without apology.
Without friendship.
Without compassion.
Without empathy.
Maybe you realize that words aren't golden.  That actions are louder.
Maybe you realize that he was lying.

Or maybe he's just a coward.
And like Dorothy's lion,
He would turn tail and run from greatness.

Be it pinstripe, houndstooth, seersucker, stripes,
bold or subtle
polkadots or pintucks
Paisley or polished cotton repeating
Damask or denim wash,
Girl, when you see it...
anyway you look at it, it's a pattern.

And when he leaves his trail of broken hearts
Promising each more than the last,
More than he can give,
More than he intends to give.
May you realize you are worth.  So.  Much.  More. 

So unworthy.
Taking his words back.
Taking his family back.
Taking his promises back.
Taking his offers back.
Taking his ring back.
Taking his wedding date back.
Taking his life back.
Taking his hoodie back.
We are so much more worthy than to have these broken things.

It is not OUR hearts that are the most broken.
It is not our love that cannot be healed.
It is not our lies that went forth.
We loved so eloquently, so hopefully.  We believed his lies, and we fell under the sound of his promises.  This sisterhood of his deceit.
We are not the broken ones.
We are not the sick ones.
We are not the liars.


You are worth so much more.

Than to be lied to and told you are loved.
Than to be lied to and told your parents are his in laws.
Than to be lied to and told you are marrying him this summer.
Than to be lied to and told you are going to be part of his family.
Than to be lied to and told everything is fine, that you need "simple time together", then you need to grow strong in counseling, that he will stand next to you at the altar, that he will heal your past hurts.  Lies.  Lies.  Lies.

You are worth so much more. 

May it drop off and fall away.
May the hurt he caused fall into the sea.
May it be swept up into Jesus' strong arms,
and may He exact His own vengeance.  From one literally taking HIS name in vain, in all his prayers and promises.
Jesus does NOT abandon.
Jesus does NOT lie.
Jesus does not condone his actions.

You are worth so much more.

WE are worth so much more.
We will love again.
We won't listen to lies from a destructive little boy again.
We won't do it.
This is our gift to each other, sisters.  We love ourselves more.
We are worth so much more. 


Just remember,
You cannot expect much else
From a man

whose only hobby

is running. 

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.