Jenny

I won't write about me, here.
Or how I lost my 5th baby at 8 weeks.  I will, though...don't worry.  It's been a month now, and it's too painful to put words on the screen about it. 

We've had another loss come to us, and this time it's a friend.  Her name was Jenny.
I have so many words swimming around in my head that I need to get out.  One blog post won't do it justice.  I've been drowning my sorrows in old VHS tapes...us in high school.  Us in Italy.  Us on stage together.  Us singing.  

I wasn't a big part of her life.  But she was a big part of mine.  She stood for something to me...something I could never be or have.  She was like an ideal.  Like an angel to me.  That sounds weird, but it's really not.  You looked up to someone in high school, too, I bet.  Jenny was so engrained in everything for those three formative years that it still haunts me to think about it.  She was sunshine...pure sunshine.  You can tell from the videos of her.  Her hair even looked like sunshine.  Pure and bright and golden.

And there was me - dark, brooding, quiet.  Sour looking.  So serious all the time.  I was shocked at how unhappy I looked in the videos today.  I knew I felt a deep emptiness inside me, but I didn't know I projected it so much.  I have a lot of soul searching that I want to do.  

But anyway...it's about her.  I miss her, even though we haven't talked for several years.  She was a bright light in everything.