I guess I haven't posted about the show I'm in. It's Oklahoma! and I'm in the chorus.
I cried when I got the call.
Who wouldn't? I mean this has always been my dream, and I've been steadily plodding along for a solid year here in Utah and offered nothing at this point. Zero. Zilch. When your identity is built up in one thing and then that thing goes away, you really have to face your identity. Big time. Like looking at yourself naked in a mirror under really unforgiving lights.
So I looked around on stage on opening night in a moment where I wasn't dancing.
I did it. I freaking did it. I grabbed myself by my own waistband and pulled myself up. I know that doesn't seem like a lot to most people. And even if it's only dancing in the chorus of Oklahoma!, it's something. It's better than crying after 50+ auditions. It's better than looking back at the list of leads I've played.
And the best thing is it's good for perspective.
I miss home so much. Seriously...so much. My gypsy heart is not settled. Who knows where I'll end up or what will happen. I'm so glad that Jesus and other loves are portable if we don't get too attached to places, or things, or people.
This isn't to sound arrogant, but I am glad I did this. I'm glad I proved to myself that I could do it. It shouldn't have been so hard, but for some reason it was. I didn't give up, and I succeeded. And I'll carry that with me the rest of my life.
I know now that I can do it.
