Unworthy

Every now and again in life you come to face something shocking.  Or surprising.  Or painful.  Or perhaps, all three, rolled into one big, ugly ball.

Perhaps someone promised to things in an honorable way.
Promises of love of God, of family, of marriage, of commitment, of kindness, of encouragement.  Perhaps he wooed you with words, from the beginning.

Maybe he ingratiated himself into your family.
Your mother... promised her that he would be her son, too.
And take care of her in her old age.  And comfort, and love her daughter.
Her only daughter.
Her only child.

And all those months of love, of promises, of blooming seeds being planted, were twisted around a faith and practice bigger than the two of you.  All the saints, and all the prayers, and all the promises.  And books and hopes and knowing the garage code to get into your house.
And maybe you promised, too, to love him back.
And when he promised to marry you, you believed him.
And promised to love you forever, you believed his words.
And promised to protect you from your father, you thanked God for that.
And promised to never leave you, you trusted him.

All the right words.  All the right words.


And when he rips those words from your heart, suddenly -
Without apology.
Without friendship.
Without compassion.
Without empathy.
Maybe you realize that words aren't golden.  That actions are louder.
Maybe you realize that he was lying.

Or maybe he's just a coward.
And like Dorothy's lion,
He would turn tail and run from greatness.

Be it pinstripe, houndstooth, seersucker, stripes,
bold or subtle
polkadots or pintucks
Paisley or polished cotton repeating
Damask or denim wash,
Girl, when you see it...
anyway you look at it, it's a pattern.

And when he leaves his trail of broken hearts
Promising each more than the last,
More than he can give,
More than he intends to give.
May you realize you are worth.  So.  Much.  More. 

So unworthy.
Taking his words back.
Taking his family back.
Taking his promises back.
Taking his offers back.
Taking his ring back.
Taking his wedding date back.
Taking his life back.
Taking his hoodie back.
We are so much more worthy than to have these broken things.

It is not OUR hearts that are the most broken.
It is not our love that cannot be healed.
It is not our lies that went forth.
We loved so eloquently, so hopefully.  We believed his lies, and we fell under the sound of his promises.  This sisterhood of his deceit.
We are not the broken ones.
We are not the sick ones.
We are not the liars.


You are worth so much more.

Than to be lied to and told you are loved.
Than to be lied to and told your parents are his in laws.
Than to be lied to and told you are marrying him this summer.
Than to be lied to and told you are going to be part of his family.
Than to be lied to and told everything is fine, that you need "simple time together", then you need to grow strong in counseling, that he will stand next to you at the altar, that he will heal your past hurts.  Lies.  Lies.  Lies.

You are worth so much more. 

May it drop off and fall away.
May the hurt he caused fall into the sea.
May it be swept up into Jesus' strong arms,
and may He exact His own vengeance.  From one literally taking HIS name in vain, in all his prayers and promises.
Jesus does NOT abandon.
Jesus does NOT lie.
Jesus does not condone his actions.

You are worth so much more.

WE are worth so much more.
We will love again.
We won't listen to lies from a destructive little boy again.
We won't do it.
This is our gift to each other, sisters.  We love ourselves more.
We are worth so much more. 


Just remember,
You cannot expect much else
From a man

whose only hobby

is running.