Jesus will not leave you.

Jesus will NEVER leave you.
Don't believe the lies.
He won't .
He won't' do it.
He's around to stay.
His main thing is fidelity.
He feels all your pain.
He feels it when people betray you.
He cares.  He's not going anywhere.

Unworthy

Every now and again in life you come to face something shocking.  Or surprising.  Or painful.  Or perhaps, all three, rolled into one big, ugly ball.

Perhaps someone promised to things in an honorable way.
Promises of love of God, of family, of marriage, of commitment, of kindness, of encouragement.  Perhaps he wooed you with words, from the beginning.

Maybe he ingratiated himself into your family.
Your mother... promised her that he would be her son, too.
And take care of her in her old age.  And comfort, and love her daughter.
Her only daughter.
Her only child.

And all those months of love, of promises, of blooming seeds being planted, were twisted around a faith and practice bigger than the two of you.  All the saints, and all the prayers, and all the promises.  And books and hopes and knowing the garage code to get into your house.
And maybe you promised, too, to love him back.
And when he promised to marry you, you believed him.
And promised to love you forever, you believed his words.
And promised to protect you from your father, you thanked God for that.
And promised to never leave you, you trusted him.

All the right words.  All the right words.


And when he rips those words from your heart, suddenly -
Without apology.
Without friendship.
Without compassion.
Without empathy.
Maybe you realize that words aren't golden.  That actions are louder.
Maybe you realize that he was lying.

Or maybe he's just a coward.
And like Dorothy's lion,
He would turn tail and run from greatness.

Be it pinstripe, houndstooth, seersucker, stripes,
bold or subtle
polkadots or pintucks
Paisley or polished cotton repeating
Damask or denim wash,
Girl, when you see it...
anyway you look at it, it's a pattern.

And when he leaves his trail of broken hearts
Promising each more than the last,
More than he can give,
More than he intends to give.
May you realize you are worth.  So.  Much.  More. 

So unworthy.
Taking his words back.
Taking his family back.
Taking his promises back.
Taking his offers back.
Taking his ring back.
Taking his wedding date back.
Taking his life back.
Taking his hoodie back.
We are so much more worthy than to have these broken things.

It is not OUR hearts that are the most broken.
It is not our love that cannot be healed.
It is not our lies that went forth.
We loved so eloquently, so hopefully.  We believed his lies, and we fell under the sound of his promises.  This sisterhood of his deceit.
We are not the broken ones.
We are not the sick ones.
We are not the liars.


You are worth so much more.

Than to be lied to and told you are loved.
Than to be lied to and told your parents are his in laws.
Than to be lied to and told you are marrying him this summer.
Than to be lied to and told you are going to be part of his family.
Than to be lied to and told everything is fine, that you need "simple time together", then you need to grow strong in counseling, that he will stand next to you at the altar, that he will heal your past hurts.  Lies.  Lies.  Lies.

You are worth so much more. 

May it drop off and fall away.
May the hurt he caused fall into the sea.
May it be swept up into Jesus' strong arms,
and may He exact His own vengeance.  From one literally taking HIS name in vain, in all his prayers and promises.
Jesus does NOT abandon.
Jesus does NOT lie.
Jesus does not condone his actions.

You are worth so much more.

WE are worth so much more.
We will love again.
We won't listen to lies from a destructive little boy again.
We won't do it.
This is our gift to each other, sisters.  We love ourselves more.
We are worth so much more. 


Just remember,
You cannot expect much else
From a man

whose only hobby

is running. 

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Hidden

Oh hide me away
Lest hope flicker and sputter in the cruel wind
Lest life become even more dim
Yet joy be on the Easter horizon.

Oh hide me with thee
In thy memory that cannot be denied
In thy words which are ever enshrined
In crowded glass frosted still.

Oh hide me someday
For thy trust and beckoning
For thy truest love's reckoning
Thy words echo still in my pounding heart.

Oh hide me behind
Tracing thy jaw with love inclined
Tracing promises made of bodies entwined
Locked where I cannot go.

Oh hide me away
Far afield into thy broken heart
Far into the fear that's torn you apart
Let the joy of healing shine.

Oh hide me in gold
Once you said that a broken vase
Once broken with gold filling replace
Never lost with broken beauty

Oh hide me in thy hands
Between the prayers whispered in your sadness
Between your weeping and your gladness
Fresh to tearless morning be

Oh hide me, gracious Jesus
In Thy heart, with all my weeping
In Thy heart, while I am sleeping
Wake me to mourn no more.

1. O Love that will not let me go,
   I rest my weary soul in thee;
   I give thee back the life I owe,
   That in thine ocean depths its flow
   May richer, fuller be.
2. O Light that foll’west all my way,
   I yield my flick’ring torch to thee;
   My heart restores its borrowed ray,
   That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
   May brighter, fairer be.
3. O Joy that seekest me through pain,
   I cannot close my heart to thee;
   I trace the rainbow through the rain,
   And feel the promise is not vain,
   That morn shall tearless be.
4. O Cross that liftest up my head,
   I dare not ask to fly from thee;
   I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
   And from the ground there blossoms red
   Life that shall endless be.

George Matheson, 1882

It's true

Surely, no one cares for you as much as me.

(you said it.  I agree)

Open

I'm watching the candle burn from across the room.
It adds glow.
It adds comfort.
It adds beauty.

My heart is glowing, from across the town.
It adds warmth.
It adds splendor.
It is beauty.

Jesus is glowing from inside the Tabernacle.
He adds life.
He adds love.
He is beauty.

My heart is open for you.
My hands are open to you.
My soul is open to you.
Fiat.
My mind wonders.
My tongue beckons.
My feet stay as they are told.
Fiat.
The candle is glowing.
My heart is glowing.
Jesus is glowing.
Fiat lux.

Kythe with me, in your darkness.
I know you are waiting.
I know you are hurting.
I shall suffer with you.
I shall wait with you.
I do not understand you.
But I care so very deeply.
And ever shall.  I promised.
Surely.

If prayers really can be carried by angels, they are.
Straight to you.
If hearts really can be comforted by strangers, they are.
Straight for you.
If light can pierce the darkness, so be it.
Fiat.

My heart is open, ugly and open.
Hurt and open.
Sad and open.
Hopeful and open.
Joyful and open.
Free and open.
Fiat lux.

As I have been, ever.