Balance

Big changes coming this semester, and I'm not one who handles change very well.

This whirlwind year of marriage and teaching has been a Frankenstein style mashup of all my jobs I had before marriage, plus taking care of a new puppy, a house, moving an hour in traffic away from my old job, and teaching at the gym.  Basically, I realized in 2017 that I'm superwoman and that I can do way more than I thought.

But that doesn't mean I should do more than I thought, as evidenced my the effects of stress on my body.  I am a very energetic person, but I need downtime like no ones's business because at the heart of all my personality, I am an introvert.  I need to sit in silence, without stimulation.  It is so hard for me to not be Super Housewife™ when I am finally home after teaching all day, driving in traffic, picking up dinner to make.  I find it hard to sit down.  There is always more to be done, and I end up exhausting myself and running on adrenaline to my detriment. 

I am trying to have a baby, here!  I went and saw the doctor and he suggested that stress could be making it harder for me to get pregnant and that cutting down my stress would help in so many ways.  I am taking this to heart.  Not only for future possible (hopeful) baby, but for me and my sweet husband.  I don't need to go ballistic all the time.  I need some balance.

So, I'm cutting back on my long drive days, and spreading out my high school students to two days.  I'm also picking up some 5th and 6th graders to fill out the hours between high school lessons.  On paper this looks a lot more easy going, but we'll see.  I'm notorious for taking on too much.

I do fantasize about being a housewife.  Women's lib ruined the workforce for men, flooded it with too many workers, and now we have an economy based on a two person income.  I hate that.  But these past few days at home, I've been depressed.  I know I'd go crazy without some project to work on, or a little fire under me to get me going toward the next thing.

So, do pray for me if you would.  I'm trying so hard to be a woman of God and not over do it, or be lazy.  Balance has always been hard for me.  

Christmasing Decorations

Now that Christmas Day has come and gone, but Christmas still lingers on...through the 12 days, I thought I'd show you some of the ways I decorated.  This is my first year as a wife, my first year with a new house, and my first year with a new puppy!  Big changes for this girl.  The creative bug bites me hard around this time of year, and this year it was overwhelming with such a blank canvas.  I tried to limit myself to a few projects.

Decking the Halls:

When we went to get our Christmas tree, I picked up some (free!) branches from the nice man who cut our tree.  It was worth lugging them to the car, because I made our garland.  I will never buy fake garland again.  It was so easy and worth it.

We don't have a mantle over our double sided fireplace, so I made a downward shaped garland to give the illusion of a mantle.  I cut and baked the orange slices and put glitter on them.  The little star lights are my favorite!

Our tree is pretty simple.  We got some cheap ornaments and mixed them in with hand-me-down ornaments from both of our families.  I spent {way too long!} making popcorn and cranberry garland for the tree, which I have always wanted to do. I sprayed them with shellac and I am crossing my fingers that they will be usable again next year.  

Cooper really likes the tree!  His breath often smells like fresh pine :)

I couldn't find a star that I liked, so I used two dollar store star ornaments and attached them together.  

I also made our front door wreath with those free pine branches.

This isn't at my house, but my mom asked me to come decorate her Christmas tree because she likes the way I do it and misses me living with her.  Of course I said yes!

She likes ribbons on her tree, which is pretty easy to do.  

This is the first fire we had in our fireplace.  Our fireplace is double sided:  one side faces the living room where the TV is.  The other side is in my little sitting room that has...

My NEW PIANO!  My mom shocked the heck out of us by getting me this for Christmas.  It just showed up one day at our front door.  It's a Yamaha digital piano, which is great for me for teaching because I can easily transpose.  We hung some pictures over it the other day.  

Wedding pic, St. Cecelia, and Our Lady of Walsingham.

Just a bonus pic of my cute hubby in our little breakfast room.  The pics on the wall are temporary.  I just stuck them on the hangers from the previous owner.  

Christmas baking!

Since I married into a German family, I decided to make the traditional German bread that Hunter has had every year growing up.  It's called Stollen, (Christollen) and its a yummy concoction of rum, fruit, and nuts, baked into bread.  This was my first time making bread at all!  I had no idea it took half a day.  

I used regular raisins and craisins, but I candied the orange and lime peels.

I also made peppermint bark for a few friends and neighbors.

This is my parish: St. Mary the Virgin.  I took this picture on New Year's Eve mass.

Funny story:  I had two solos, and got violently ill during the first one, ran out and threw up in the bushes.  I couldn't' sing the second one.  This is an absolute first for me, in all my years of performing. 

But doesn't the church look pretty?

That's about it for this post!

We are having a party for 12th Night, and until then, we will be doing what we have been doing, which is a lot of this:

Merry Christmas XOXO

Advent preparations

Not showing everything, yet...

But I'm really excited about making my house ready for Christmas!!

One Year Anniversary of Engagement!

It was one year ago today that my Hunter proposed to me.

We were on a little trip to the wedding of some dear friends, which was on Friday, Oct. 6th.  Hunter was a groomsman, and I just attended.  It was so much fun, getting to know this couple, and seeing how happy they were in their beautiful wedding and the fun party afterward at a brewery.

I had wanted to come back to Dallas on Saturday, but Hunter really wanted us to stay all weekend and show me around Santa Fe.  I have been there before, because my family went to New Mexico many summers while I was growing up, and I knew how lovely it was in the fall.  So I agreed :)

The hot air balloon festival was going on that day, and we saw so many balloons dotting the sky as we left Albuquerque.  It was magical.  The weather was a perfect crisp fall chill, and we listened to the soundtrack to Newsies as we drove into Santa Fe.  Hunter wanted to go see the Cathedral first (the Basilica of St. Francis) and we parked and he was acting a little funny...he told me to go see about parking fees in this (almost empty) parking lot.  I had a feeling he was going to propose, and I was soooo hoping he was going to propose that day, that I could hardly breathe.  But we were both trying to act totally normal.  It's really funny looking back :)  I noticed when we were walking toward the Cathedral that Hunter had something box-shaped in his pocket.  I tried not to be obvious, but I was so very excited.

Hunter is usually a *take your time* sort of walker, but he grabbed my hand and practically dragged me to the huge wooden doors of the church.  When we were in the foyer, they stopped us and said we couldn't go in because a wedding was going on.  Hunter was visibly put out, and suggested we go get lunch first and then come back.  We went to the Loretta Chapel next door, and ate lunch a cute diner.  I remember I got this huge salad and I had a really hard time eating it because I was so on edge.

Walking back to the Cathedral, Hunter saw a Hagen Daaz ice cream parlour and asked if we could get ice cream.  Being my always figure conscious self, I said no.  He scurried us back to the Cathedral.  I remember being so enchanted with how perfectly still and clear and alive the air felt around me.  We went into the church and started looking around the main church, which was now wedding-less but full of tourists.  We looked at the shrines, the artwork, and I pretended to not be freaking out inside.  Hunter kept looking around over his shoulder at the people around us.  I was on pins and needles.

Finally, we made our way into the Lady Chapel over on the side of the altar.  It was, thankfully, totally private.  As we walked up to aproach the altar, I felt Hunter drop away from walking with me.  I could not breath.  He tapped me on the shoulder, and I didn't budge or respond.  He finally said "Amy" and I turned around and he was down on one knee, with the ring box out.  He said "Will you marry me, my darling?"

I didn't answer.  I was too stunned (even though I had a pretty good idea of what was happening).  I just had waited so long for this moment, and it was hard to believe it was happening.  It is STILL hard to believe when I look down and see my wedding ring next to that beautiful platinum solitaire.

When I finally said "yes" he got up, we hugged and kissed, and teared up, and then knelt down and prayed for God to bless us.  When I said the word "fiance" in my prayer, Hunter quietly let out a gasp.  It was becoming real for both of us.

After that, he asked me again if I wanted to get ice cream.  He figured he'd ask again after he proposed, because he really wanted it and bet I'd say yes.
And I did :)

Happy one year of being promised, Hunter.  2nd best day of my life!

Tidying up the new house

I'm sitting here, in my new (to me) comfy leather chair, typing on my super blazing fast internet, listening to the constant hum of the carpet cleaner's drone as he cleans up the previous owner's dog's pee out of our carpets.  We have a new house, and I'm so excited!  I can't wait to post pictures and show you! 

It's still getting tidied up, before we move big things in.  We have brought over kitchen stuff, boxes of books, and a few odds and ends, but the main furniture is still at our tiny duplex. 

I had *no idea* the vast amount of movies and vinyl albums my husband owned.  Um...I'm a little overwhelmed.  I'm searching for a way to store vinyl that doesn't look like IKEA-tier bachelor pad record storage.  Think:  long, pretty sideboard with cabinet doors.  Any ideas?   Please?  I'm desperate!

Just one of Hunter's movie shelves:

 

Let me emphasize again:  Just one. 

More pics to come!

A Quiet Moment from my Wedding

May we have many more quiet, private moments in our lives.  We desperately need them.  Everything is so public nowadays.

When was the last time you took a quiet moment for just yourself?  And for God?  Put your phone away and enjoy the gift of quiet. 

Thoughts on the massage table

A particularly wonderful priest friend of mine heard my confession and gave me the penance of having to do something nice for just myself.  This might seem odd, but for people like me, and maybe you, we get caught up so much in doing a million things, doing the right thing, being perfect, and trying to correct the world's wrongs that little things like sitting down for a cup of tea and just enjoying the moment are mostly overlooked.  So, off to the massage spa I went.

I lay there as I started relaxing to enjoy my medium pressure massage.  There was no particular pain or problem area I wanted worked on, just to enjoy an hour of quiet, spa music, dark, and the glorious feeling of a trained therapist touching my muscles.  My mind immediately started focusing on the stupid thing I had said right before my massage, and worrying what she thought of me.  "No." I corrected myself.  "I am doing this as a penance, and I need to be kind to myself even in my head while I do it".   So I forced my thoughts in a new direction.

I thought back to massages in the recent past.  I came into this chain, fighting back tears, to use the gift card my ex fiance had gotten me before it expired.  I had put it off as long as possible to avoid thinking of him, but it was a nice amount and I wanted a massage.  I take that back.  I needed a massage.  My shoulders were so tight that they were crunchy.  Anxiety had so consumed my mind that it spilt over into my body.  My neck and shoulders hurt all the time.  They burned.  My throat and face hurt.  I was so sleep deprived that I had to take pills to get a minimum amount of sleep, and even then I'd wake up and have to take more pills.  I was a wreck.   The kind ladies at the front desk took pity on me and set me up with someone they thought would help.

When I went to the appointment, the lady told me I looked really stressed.  I then almost burst into tears, telling her about my whole experience being abandoned by this man, my life being so shattered.  I cried the whole massage.  I had heard of this happening before.  Massages can get deep into your emotions, because our bodies, hearts, and minds are all connected.    Despite all the messy, snotty tears through that hole in the headrest, that massage was great.  The lady told me she was Catholic and had been praying for me the whole time.  What a blessing!  I went back to her a few times before she disappeared from the location.

The girl I went to after that was a one-time therapist.  She was amazing and I wish I knew what happened to her.  She introduced me to clary sage essential oil which is great to combat anxiety.  I went out and bought some for my diffuser and it became a daily thing for me.  I went back and requested her but they said she had left the company.  Alas.

At this point I was dating my now-husband.  I cautiously proceeded on, dealing with my own body and mind in weekly talk therapy as well as massages.  I kept working out.  I made sure I kept eating.  I was happy, laughing...on-edge with caution, but falling in love.  Falling in love backwards, so to speak.  I never had those lighting strike feelings with my Hunter.  It was calm and gentle at first, and I was the one who had to warm up to him.  Now that we are married, it's like first love, with the coos and silly songs and things that gag me when I see others doing them.  But I can do them, because having a husband is great like that.

Fast forward to the day before my wedding.   I had booked a massage for myself and my matron of honour as a part of our spa-day activities.  We asked for therapists who are good for that type of thing and I got another wonderful one.  It was amazing, and that's all I remember.  I was so focused on the wedding that it really must have helped me because I don't remember being stressed.  I do remember lying there thinking that my body...my whole self...would soon be his.  And that's really weird and scary for someone who waited for marriage to have sex!  I wasn't on edge or nervous about my wedding at all...just for little backstage things like my shoes being buckled right and my bracelet not catching on my dress. 

And now I've had two massages since being married.  It's a long, gradual timeline of comparison.  But I am relaxed now, like a melting ice cream cone.  I feel so accepted and loved. That "in-tune" with myself feeling I get during massages...that I could melt into the table and the music could become part of me...doesn't have to go away.  I love being married to my Hunter.  I look forward to a life with him.  Even if I can't afford to get massages much long (we are closing on a house on Tuesday!!) I am so glad I've invested in it.  It helps my tired feet and my formerly crunchy shoulders.  And, as a penance, I suspect it helps my soul a little. 

Thank you, Jesus, for wonderful things like massages and the healing power of touch.