Space between sighs

Shall there be dawn beyond the empty blackness?
That space between sighs

You've given me pain, Lord.
You've set me up for glory
Planned me a coronation
And then given me pain.

Why?  What good could possibly be in this dust
Falling, crumbling between my slender fingers
I couldn't stop it for all the money in the world

just like I couldn't pay to calm your heart
I couldn't spend enough to pardon my own soul
To bring healing to the wounds
Caused by the rough words of a father

I didn't ask to be wounded.
I didn't ask to carry his cross
You could tie me to a rock
And blame me for not moving
Fast enough.  Or now too slow
That molasses was sweet
But dripped in my eyes, and now I can't see.

He held my heart close to his
Safe in his dear rough hands
Carried to the place of treasure
In his sweet eyes

But then asked its price
Appraised its worth
Called down the sellers and the buyers

And now I've found myself in the dust
On the dust, under the dust
Made of dust

Ashes.  Ashes and dust.
Terrified of which questions in my heart
I shall not ask.  Shant ask.
Ashes and dust and diamonds and dust.
Once brilliant sun, now mocking me.  Blinding me.
Shaming me.

Like the calendar on the wall which mocks my days.
Unfeeling papers planned before my time.
"The way it's always been".
Someone decided.  But they didn't tell me.