One week as a wife

I wanted to blog a ton during my enagagement.  I really, really did! 
But it was so busy, so stressful...so everything that kept me on my toes.  It just didn't happen.  I'm sorry for that.

But, like Mary, I've "pondered all these things in my heart" and I have a lot to say.

I've been a wife for one week as of today. 
What bliss!  What heavenly beckoning of peace and stability and acceptance!

All my fears were obliterated.  Everything I was worried about is nothing. 

It is normal, and good, and holy.  And real life.  And I attract attention on the street or in the store because I'm glowing.  It's not a roller coaster.  It's steady and stable and real. 

I have waited a clownishly long time for this.  And it's here.  And it was totally worth the wait. 

Big question of the day:  my first meal as a wife is in the slow cooker.  Will it be a hit or a miss?  The world waits with bated breath!

I've realized that I have a sudden rush of fear and overwhelming emotion when I am physically hurt.  I wonder if it's from being dropped as a kid...

Marking the Day - my one year in the Catholic Faith

Sunday, January 8th was a special day for me.
I entered the Catholic Church, was welcomed and confirmed, and made my first communion.  It was such a beautiful day.  I ran to Jesus and took a leap of faith.  I have not looked back.

Little did I know what the year would hold.  Through all those days of joy, around the corner was lurking an emotional war zone.  When my narcissistic ex-fiance gas-lighted me and then left me, Jesus did not.  When I dealt with crippling anxiety, Jesus was with me.  When I couldn't sleep without help, or go to work without medication, Jesus kept me close.  He never left me.

That year was confession, mass, prayer.  Wash, rinse, repeat.  It's the daily and weekly life of the Catholic.  Jesus is good.  He knows we need stability and routine.  He provides.


He even brought me a husband on April 19th, 2017.  Surprise! 
I had no clue our relationship would go beyond a few weeks, but we are getting married in 103 days.  He proposed in front of Jesus.  And we will wed in front of Jesus, in a Catholic church. And Jesus will never leave us, or forsake us.  We love him.

What a year of blessings. 

Thank you, Jesus, for Thy Church. 

2018 - Starting Small

We rang in the new year cuddled on the couch.
We watched Shop Around the Corner, played movie trivia (I beat him with my handicap!) and watched part of Labyrinth.  We kissed and prayed and asked God for his blessings.  This is the year we become man and wife.  We have a small start.  But doesn't God use small things?


Happy New Year :)

Six Geese A-Laying

I was just putting the dishes away in my fiance's kitchen.  He lives in a cozy duplex in Dallas, complete with PS4 and XBox 360 and all the things you'd expect from a bachelor vinyl and movie fanatic.  In a few months, this will be my home.  I was marveling at this, and then realized that I don't know where all of the utensils go.  I don't know which drawer things go in, or all the little nooks and crannies we store things in, that we know in our heads but that others would never guess.  How sweet it is, to not know my way around.  Just like I don't know my way around marriage.  Such innocent days, these are. 

We've chosen the harder path, to not know each other completely, and to trust God and each other that He will see it through.  We didn't "test drive" this relationship.  We are doing our best from what we know in part, and in part we will learn as we go.  In marriage this won't be his house, anymore.  It will be our house.  For good or bad, better or worse.  Struggling with bills or not.  It won't be my way or his way.  We'll have to find our way.  

And God help us, we will. 

Merry Christmas, everyone!  Pray for us!

Post Christmas Glow

Christmas was amazing.  I feel happy and blessed.  I attended and/or sang for 6 masses over 3 days, 4 of which were on Christmas Eve (Advent IV).  So I'm about churched out for a while, at least till next Sunday.  I have a lot to do this week, but resting is part of that.  So here's to a nice rest!

I am now entering into the phase of planned weight loss for my wedding, which is in 116 days.  I got a little bit fluffy over the food-centric holidays, so I need to lose about 5 lbs to be at a comfy weight.  I am aiming for 4 more pounds on top of that to look my best for the wedding (and honeymoon...eek!).  I have to film my Pop Pilates certification video within the next 7 days so I'm getting on that really soon.

Getting married is really fun, and being engaged over Christmas is sort of like a dream.  It is so nice to look into my fiance's eyes and have that quiet sense of knowing that it will be him, forever...every Christmas from now till the end.  I love him so.

Here are some pics from our Christmas masses:

Rain, coffee, and peace

I'm sitting here in my fiance's house.
It's dark and rainy outside, with just a hint of sunlight glowing behind the grey clouds.
I have coffee, and a little dachshund curled up by my feet.  He's at work, and I'm waiting to go meet the caterer with his mom in a few hours.
Life is sweet.

Having a good, solid man in one's life is a calming force.  There is nothing like a healthy relationship to bring cooling peace to the storms of life.  When you grow up in chaos, chaos feels like home.  You might not even know a different way is possible.

Hunter evens me out and brings peace.  It is gentle, like the sunlight here in this dim room.  But it is constant.  And Good.  Love is good.  Love never fails.

There is so much wedding planning to do on top of the hustle and bustle of the Christmas holiday approaching.  It can get overwhelming.  I'm grateful for this moment of peace.

Try and take time today to find a few peaceful moments where you can breathe a sigh of relief, and hold onto those.  Just a few more days 'till Christmas!